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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Kobe Scores 40; Blunder Score 14th Loss!

In their first game back from a five game road swing, Kobe Bryant hung 40 on the Blunder in a sloppy 111 - 108 Laker victory. It was their 16th in 17 games. Six Lakers scored in double figures. No wonder they lead the NBA. The Zombie Sonics have never beaten the Lakers, ever, and have lost five of the last six games. No wonder their presence effectively reduces the value of the entire league. No one will even step up to offer sponsorship money to the Blunder arena. That's called supply and demand, folks. Supply = one team in the dustbowl; demand = zero.

With the loss, the Blunder maneuvered back into familiar waters: below .500. Not to worry, there's good news: Bennett leads the league in greediness, starting with the league's most expensive merchandise, led by their 'excellence' polo shirt. Let's examine the excellence, shall we? Sub .500 record, wretched uniforms, logo off a doritos bag, few sell-outs in thier first two seasons, downsized arena, arena deal expiring in 2014, fourth place. Hmmm. That's the opposite of excellent. They're the ANTI-excellent! Bennett's fat rolls spilling over his seat should complete the picture of epic failure and double as an appetite suppressant. Yay!

Let's enjoy some lowlights, kids...

Future ex-Blunder Kevin Durant had 30 points before fouling out with 91 second remaining. It was his first time fouling out in the NBA. He likely used the bench time to dream about leaving OKC and playing in a real market. Nick Collison had six fouls and one point in 12 minutes of 'playing' time. Durant led the team with six turnovers. The Lakers scored 24 second-chance points; the Blunder had six. More evidence the OKC/NBA experiment is failing. UCLA alum Russell Westbrook had 21 points, 13 assists and a technical foul when he threw the ball at the basket standard. It was later revealed it was a play designed by Clay Bennett.

Perhaps intimidation contributed to the loss. The LA crowd of 18,997 at Staples is far more than the Blunder are used to playing in front of, as OKC rarely sells out at home in Congressional Bailout Center. All those people and the indoor plumbing can be intimidating! Or it could've been the LA celebrity crowd; Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Diane Von Furstenburg, media titan Barry Diller, and figure skater Michelle Kwan were seen. OKC celeb crowds usually consist of Toby Keith's second cousin, Barry Switzers sweat sock and Garth Brooks' lanced boil. The presence of greatness like Kwan, likely threw their game off. Understandable.

Blunder: 13-14, Fourth place and falling, five losses in last six games.
Next Loss: Wednesday vs. Phoenix.
OKC tornado index: Imminent.

More Corndogs! More Losses! More Blunder!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Unlucky 13: Blunder Rocket to 13th Loss!

Clay Bennett's Blunder enjoyed the familiar stench of defeat on Saturday as they fell to Houston 95-90. The once-storied rivalry has become pathetically one-sided under Bennett's 'leadership' as Houston won it's 13th straight over the Zombie Sonics. Houston hasn't lost to the Thunder since April 4, 2006, when the team was based in Seattle.

Magically, it was also the 13th loss for the Blunder, who are well on their way to another season of mediocrity in the NBA's smallest and dustiest market. They do lead the league in tornado warnings, however.

Future ex-Blunder Kevin Durant had 13 points on 6 for 18 shooting and had zero foul shots. The road weary Rockets, playing their fourth game in five nights, and still without star center Yao Ming, were still no match for the Blunder. Durant has saved his lowest scoring games of the season for the Lone Star State, scoring only 12 against the Mavericks in a Wednesday loss and only 13 in the Rocket loss. Notice they were both losses. Get used to those, OKC.

And now, the lowlights! Nick "I miss Seattle" Collison had five fouls and four points in 18 minutes, Westbrook and Durant combined for a 10 for 32 shooting performance against the tired but still dominant Rockets. The Blunder also enjoyed a three-second violation.

The Blunder also enjoy the shortest arena lease in the league, set to expire in 2014. The escape clause is for less than 80% attendance. Not sure if it has to be paid attendance. Look for Durant to leave next season and the Blunder to relocate in 2014when the OKC Experiment proves to be a disaster. Also look for the Blunder to be asking for handouts from the NBA's welfare program as they are already operating in the red. Damn shame that is. You can still get a Blunder Excellence Polo on their website for $69 dollars. Nothing excellent about 13-13 or a $69 polo with a dorito on it.

Blunder: 13-13, 4th place and falling fast.
Next Loss: Tuesday vs. L.A. Clippers.
Tornado forecast: imminent


More Corndogs! More Losses! More Blunder!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

These Go To 11!

Ah, fresh off another Blunder loss, it's time to reflect on the wonderful number 11...

1. Spinal Tap's amps go to 11.
2. In Numerology, eleven is considered to be a Master Number.
3. Eleven is a Portland-based shoe brand, NOT named Nike.
4. Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic...all of the qaulities Clay Bennett does NOT possess.
5. Apollo 11 landed the first human on the moon. Since they were all humans, we know Clay Bennett was not among them.
6. United States Constitution has an 11th amendment: The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or Equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State.
7. New York, home of the Jets, Giants, Mets, Yankees, Rangers, Islanders Knicks, and the Soup Nazi, was the 11th State to join the union.
8. Na or sodium, is the eleventh element. Sodium, aka salt, often results in high blood pressure, bad for humans, good for Clay.
9. Edgar Martinez, Mark Messier, Norm Van Brocklin, Phil Simms, Larry Fitzgerald all wore/wear number 11.
10. The Sonics won 11 in a row in 1996, until a 106 - 105 loss to San Antonio snapped that streak. The Zombie Sonics have never won more than two in a row.
11. Eleven Blunder losses this season, so far, after a 102 - 93 mauling by the Denver Nuggets on Monday.

Blunder: 12-11, 4th Place.
Next Loss: Tonight vs. Dallas.

More Corndogs! More Losses! More Blunder!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

LeBron's 44 Sends Blunder to 10th Loss, Sees Empty Seats

LeBron's season-high 44 points led the Cavaliers embarrassment of Clay Bennett's Zombie Sonics on Sunday, 102-89. James added 7 boards and 5 assists in the rout.

Future ex Blunder Kevin Durant, one game closer to getting out of OKC, led the Blunder with 29 points in 42 minutes.

Thabo Sefalosha led the lowlights with zero points on a sizzling 0 for 4 shooting clinic in 28 minutes. Durant kicked in seven turnovers and Russell Westbrook enjoyed 4 personal fouls, 4 for 15 shooting, and 0 for 3 from three-point range.

Announced 'attendance' was 18,203. However, even James noticed empty seats. After a layup, James stopped to snag a french fry from the front row.

"There wasn't nobody sitting there," James said, "The french fries had their own seat."

Apparently potatoes are the new 'fan' in OKC. Very Interesting. Give Bennett credit; he has found a way to expand the Blunder fan base by reaching out to the coveted vegetable market.

According to a report in FORBES, several NBA teams have now moved under the $1 million in gate receipts per home game - with OKC leading the way down the drain. After only one season in OKC.

Has anyone else noticed most Blunder home games fall on Fri/Sat/Sun? Weird! Is there someone special this holiday season you'd want to annoy, isolate or enrage? Now's your chance! Treat 'em to the Blunder polo shirt, now on sale for only $64.99!


Blunder 12-10, 4th Place.
Next Loss: Monday at Denver.
Tornado watch: Looming.
Oklahoma 'celeb' sighting: Oklahoma women's basketball coach Sherri Coale sat courtside at the end of the scorer's table.

More Corndogs! More Losses! More Potatoes counted as fans!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Nine: The List!

1. One ass kicking by the Celtics, 105-87. Largest loss in the Bored Center this season.
2. Two points scored, combined, between Sefalosha, Collison and Livingston in 49 minutes.
3. Three rhymes with 'glee', as in a cultural television phenomenon, or that special feeling I get when Bennett suffers another loss.
4. Four Fouls on Durant, Green and Collison, to lead both teams.
5. Five Turnovers by Russell Westbrook, to lead both teams.
6. 'Six' rhymes with "pricks", like Clay Bennett, Howard Schultz, David Stern, Wally Walker, Dick Cheney and the one-eyed trouser monster - that's six pricks!
7. Seven Celtics scoring in double figures, led by Garnett's 23. The Blunder had two, led by future ex-blunder's Kevin Durant.
8. 'Eight' rhymes with 'great', which the Celtics are and the Blunder are NOT! Awwww!

And finally...

9. Nine Blunder losses! More Corndogs! More Losses! More Blunder!

Blunder: 10-9.
Next Loss: Monday vs. Golden State.
Tornado watch: Imminent.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Hilarious Joke of the Day

Too funny not to share, regardless of religious affiliation.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" stomach and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."